Are There Different Levels of Integrity?

This is discussion that I've had with several people, and I don't really understand the question. Integrity is integrity. There are no gray areas. We are either in integrity, or we're not. We either behave correctly, as the I Ching would say, or we do not. In any given situation, we have choices. One of the easiest ways of knowing whether or not I have made a good behavior choice, one that is in alignment with my Higher, Authentic Self, is how I feel in my body. Am I feeling calm and relaxed, or am I carrying tension in the places that I usually feel it? For me, it's in my solar plexus and heart areas. If I feel nervous, anxious, or start feeling a little low in my mood, then it might be because I made a behavior choice that was not in my best interests.

If the choice I made was not in my best interest, it probably wasn't good for anyone else concerned either. If I allow myself to hang out, or be in a relationship with anyone who is not exactly uplifting to my spirit, the consequences will not be very pretty. This doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad people; rather, that our values are not in alignment. So there will always be moments of tension between us, because in order to stay connected to those people I will inevitably put myself out of integrity without meaning to. So, rather than spend time with them, I would be better off doing something in the nature of self-care for my mind, body and spirit. “But hang on!” you say, “Doesn't that mean that it could become harder and harder to spend time with some people I am really close to?” The answer is both Yes, and No.

Let's look at Yes first. The more conscious you are of doing your very best to be in integrity at all costs, the harder life seems to become. You will start catching yourself being out of integrity and doing a lot of apologizing to others, and also to yourself. But this is way better than feeling so bad about your actions that you resort to depression, being defensive or aggressive, or giving in to addictions as coping mechanisms. So the more you catch yourself before you choose to be out of integrity, the better you'll feel. And, if you catch yourself after the fact, then doing all you can to put a situation right, will also make you feel so much better.

Remember too, that if you allow yourself to be in a relationship of any kind that puts you out of integrity, then the other person is also out of integrity. You can't do that dance alone. The I Ching says that while it is your duty to "rescue" those to whom you are intimately connected, the way to rescue them is to be in integrity yourself. i.e. You must have strong boundaries, and not accept incorrect "inferior man" behavior from anyone, because those responses will put BOTH of you out of integrity.

So you can see that by taking the harder road in disciplining yourself to be in integrity, and by not accepting incorrect behavior from others either, your life can become much, much easier. And that’s why the answer to the question is also a resounding No! It won't be hard to spend time with people you are close to, because the quality of your interactions will be uplifting for all – and that’s always more fun! You’ll have more energy too, because you’ll let go of the tension of being out of integrity. Try it, and let me know about your experiences.